We are starting our lives anew.
I can see that edge of apprehensions bladed indecision cross between a look, a glance, a retake of, is she the one?
I love him.
I know that now when I see that this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, for better or worst. What does that mean? Is it my hand in his at a hospital bed? Is it looking after a sore back with warm bottles and paracetamol? I see companionship and a friend I am scared of losing. We share so much but I still have my sanity and that’s the beauty of the love we share.
Today I walked with M through the woods. It was a long walk and I felt the muscles in my legs shake from the strain of the downhill trek. We stopped at a little café. There they sold fresh bread and lovely home-baked cakes. We were ravengeous with hunger and ate cake and slices of fresh bread, washed down with cups of steaming tea. I thought of him as I sat there at the little table sprinkled in crumbs and thought it would have been nice to have done this walk with him. I know he would have enjoyed the sharp air and the beauty of autumn’s colours. The expanses of lake we passed and which I threw stones down into. M had brought her dog and that too had made me laugh. How her legs waggled, that strange doggy walk. It would have made him laugh to.
We are starting our lives anew and I am excited and worried all at the same time.
This is a lifetime decision. Will he be there on my more than likely ugly than uglier days? How will I cope? More importantly how will he cope?
There will be days when we will sulk and there will be days when all we will want to do is hold around each other in the most perfect way.
Lets start afresh.

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